SLEEPY TIME IS WEE-WEE TIME

With Clara, our daughter who was adopted at 10 mos., we had MAJOR sleep issues. We were faithful to a routine of story time, bottles and rocking to sleep but this girl would fight it to the end, babbling, wiggling, hitting herself, singing, giggling, you name it, this child would do whatever it took to stay awake. After consulting the Adoption Clinic at the U of MN (a great resource!) we finally were able to teach Clara to settle down and accept the inevitable. This milestone changed our lives. We could actually get a few things done in the evening (ok, I'll be honest -- we sat on the couch and burned through The Sopranos DVDs as fast as they were released). My point being, we had a bit of our lives back.

Enter Lu. In China Pete and I were giddy that THIS child fell asleep as soon as you laid him down. Once back home, we wouldn't have to be give up hours of our evening to help him settle down. Oh how wrong we were. Lu quickly converted to his sisters philosophy of fighting sleep. As I type, I can hear his sweet little voice upstairs with Pete. Lu was put to bed at 7:30, it's now 10:00 and he's still going strong. Take away his naps you say? He only naps for about an hour after lunch so by my account this just turned 2 yr. old should be tired. In my expert opinion, I've decided that once home, adopted kids are taking in so much new stimulation all day that they just can't shut their little brains down. Hopefully Lu will get used to all the excitement his life has become and eventually accept the glorious state of mind and body shut down that his parents crave.

But first we'll also have to break him of his insistence on waking up twice in the middle of the night to wee. It was a mystery to us why Lu would wake up consistently at about midnight and then around 4:00 am and pat the front of his diaper. We changed him, thinking he was wet, but this only provoked angry cries. The light bulb went off when I was reading through his orphanage notes and found that his Aunties would wake him twice at night to have him sit on the potty. Holy smokes! What dedication to potty training these people have! I tried to explain in simple terms to Lu: "Honey Bunny Bear, these Huggies are built to hold the urine of a College Freshman at his first Kegger. Surely they'll get you through the night." Lu was having none of it. His response, roughly translated from Chinese, went something like this: "Look Lady, I don't care if this is thee most absorbent diaper ever, I am going to sit my tiny bottom on your toilet and wee. Once at midnight. And once around 4ish. So let's be about it."

I'm optimistic that I can eventually woe Lu into the pleasures of uninterrupted sleep, but until then, at midnight and 4 am, you'll find me sitting on my bathroom floor, waiting for my son's out-stretched arms and adorable voice to call out "all done", smile of mutual understanding spread across his darling face.

CHEF CLARA & HER LINE COOK

Apple Crisp for Ants
By Clara

1 C mosquitos
80 hundred million crumbs
10 big leaves
1 C green tea
1 piece of cracker

Mix it in a jar.

LU PARTIES

We finally got a chance to celebrate Lu's birthday at home. He completely understood the whole cake and candles tradition and even sung "Happy Birthday" to himself in chinese.

FAMILY DYNAMICS

When you become a parent through international adoption, there are several various components that define your family. The reality is that most children come from institutionalized care and the older they are at adoption, the harder the work in teaching them to be become dependent on a Mother or Father. Most experts agree that adopting parents should treat their child as a newborn, giving them bottles, lots of lap time and attachment-style parenting.

It's understandable to see how an independent 2 yr. old is a much easier charge when you are one Auntie caring for several children. Lu is potty-trained, can put his shoes and socks on and mostly dress himself. He climbs stairs and navigates playground equipment with a confidence that makes my heart stop. The muscles this child has are remarkable! He also insists on brushing his teeth by himself, washing his face and hands and putting his own lotion on. Any interference in his attempts to be independent result in a standard 2 yr. old tantrum. I'm convinced that we need to insist on doing things for Lu — tantrum or not, including holding his bottle for him at night, which we're trying to make his pre-bedtime routine. Lu is also just as likely to approach a stranger, arms held out to be picked up, as he is to come to Pete or I in a public place. We need to teach him that he has a Mom and Dad who belong to him and thats where his comfort, love, affection and needs should come from. He is already making progress in these areas and today when I laid down with him for a nap, he said over and over again as he began to doze off "I love you", words he's already becoming familiar with.

In the sense of family dynamics, we have plenty of the every day, garden variety excitement that comes with two kids. Mealtime spills, power struggles over toys, who can scream the loudest contests, BM diaper blow-outs—all while the other child sitting on the potty is yelling for a wiper to come help.

Everyday seems to bring us closer to the region of sanity, for a while there I thought we'd lost our way for good. We're almost totally back on MN time, Pete's returned to work and my antibiotics have kicked in (a few days after being back the doc. diagnosed me with Bronchitis, Strep throat, a dbl ear infection and a virus in my eyes! Ah, the pleasure of international travel)

OUR KIDS

Aren't they beautiful!

MORE PHOTOS FROM OUR TRIP

(yes, this road worker is holding a snake, he was very proud of his find and walked up and down showing it off)

HOME AT LAST.

After 18 hours in the sky, we made it home safe and sound. Let me just stress the sound portion of that statement. Lu did not do well on the plane. I'd venture a guess that nobody within earshot of us did. Pete missed out on sleep the two nights before we left due a very bad cold and Lu would only let Pete hold him on the flight, most of the time screaming, kicking and crying. Nothing seemed to comfort him and only after expelling super human powers of distress, did he finally sleep for about 3 hours. I kept thinking at any moment, these people will unite and throw us out an emergency exit door.

Clearing customs was a breeze and it didn't take long for us to get out of the airport. By this time, I was running a fever having caught the nasty cold going around and Pete and I were crabby beyond belief, any hold-ups or fussy officials would have sent either one of us into a sobbing puddle of despair. It was a happy, reassuring sight to see our friends there to greet us, thanks Ann, Maryjo and Sophia! What a welcome sight you all were!

Ann delivered us to our doorstep and we were greeted with a beautiful sign made by our friends welcoming us home. We were also grateful to Laura and Charlie for filling our fridge with fresh food! Everything we needed was right there for us and it was such a relief knowing we wouldn't need to leave the house.

After the airplane experience I wasn't sure how Lu would do once we got him home. All worries and fears were quickly put to rest as we watched both Lu and Clara come alive, exploring, laughing, playing and enjoying the comforts that only your very own home can offer. We did our best to stay up as late as possible (our flight came in around 12:30 p.m.) so we could get back on MN time, but we were all fast asleep by 4:30 p.m. The kids woke up again about 11:00 p.m. and stayed up till 4:30 a.m., then back to sleep till 7:30 this morning. Everyone is napping now and I'm hoping we'll all go to bed at a regular time tonight and then be well on our way to resetting our internal clocks. One can hope right?

My parents come from that superior generation before mine that gives them the ability to be positive, smile through anything and dole out an unlimited supply of love and care to the four of us. AND they managed to avoid the various strains of orphanage/hotel/foreign city and airplane viruses that have hit the rest of us. God bless 'em. They are doing the unimaginable, hanging out with us for a few more days while we get on our feet. If they're anxious to be rid of us (I'm even anxious to be rid of us!!!!) we'd never know it. They act like we're just the most fun family around and our kids are the most well behaved they've ever had the pleasure to occupy a room with. What good actors they are : )

Tomorrow we'll celebrate Lu's 2nd birthday at home, I'm so glad we'll all be together.

RED COUCH & BIRTHDAYS

The kids are alseep, Pete's working on packing us up (no small chore since I bought out half of China to bring home with us) and I decided I had time for one last post before we close up shop here.

On our last trip we discovered the Shamian Island Traditional Medical Center where a "foot massage" (really a clothes on, full body except what you're sitting on) is about $7 USD for 90 minutes. My parents and Pete went yesterday and today Molly and I took our turn. With all the crazy traffic, crowds, crying children and stressed parents surrounding you, having 90 minutes of Eastern medicine and massage expertise focused on you is just about worth the plane ride over here. Plus they throw in slices of cold watermelon and lemon tea to boot. If you're an adoptive parent coming here, I highly recommend it for restoring your sanity. The brochure also advertises its powers in the area of "dispelling wind-evil and wetness evil". Pete's wind-evil still exists though so I can't make any promises in that area.

We also took our traditional "Red Couch" photo, which all adoptive parents do here at the White Swan. Of about 25 photos, I maybe have one that turned out, if anyone knows the secret to getting a four yr. old and a 2 yr. old to hold still, please contact me. After the Red Couch, Molly brought a birthday cake and we all celebrated Lu turning 2. The way Molly tells it, in China it's tradition for the party guests to put frosting in the face of the birthday child. As you can imagine, this went over big time with our kids, who have enjoyed unusually permissive parents here in China. At one point Clara had covered her entire face with frosting! Molly thought this was hilarious which only encouraged our two sugar-powered cake lovers to continue and soon we all had frosting everywhere. Oh my, I hope there isn't a hotel-maid grapevine in China, between the hallway pee stain and the pink frosting ground into the carpet in our room, I think there must be Wanted posters all over for us.

Time to pack, and then a nice, hot bath and one more TsingTao for the road. We depart the hotel at a bright and early 5:30 a.m. Worth noting, we'll be fast asleep for about 48 hours straight once we get home so if we don't answer the phone, you'll know why.

WE LOVE MOLLY

One of the most anticipated experiences in coming back to China has been seeing Molly. She has been our guide while in Gunagzhou and does a remarkable job, going above and beyond for all the families she helps. Three and a half years ago we met Molly, she was just learning english and was a student working in a shop here in Guangzhou. She came to the city from a rural farm area in another Province to make her way and help support her family. We were thrilled when our agency connected with Molly and hired her to work with adoptive families here. We consider her family, she is my Chinese sister and my parents have also fallen love with her, calling her a daughter. Molly can anticipate the needs of families before they even know what it is they want. She is wonderful with children, knows how to get you in and out of appointments fast as lightening, even though the lines all around you are long...she is a dream come true for families coming here and we are so proud of all she's acomplished, most especially the sincerity and kindness which is her nature.

Last night Molly treated us to the best dinner we've had in China, taking us to a 5th floor restaraunt where Westerners are uncommon customers. (Keith and Leslie, we thought of you the whole time and savored bites in your honor!) We had pickles in a vinager sauce that was tangy, sweet and refreshing, carrots with pork, chicken and vegatables, cooked bones and all that had an intense flavor of fresh spices with just the right amount of heat, green beans with garlic, scallions and who knows what else...and best of all, an eggplant dish that I'll dream of for the rest of my life. Imagine a soft center with a gooey, crunchy sweet exterior, melt in your mouth style. For anyone coming here and working with Molly, ask her to bring you to this place, it will no doubt be one of the best meals you'll ever have.

We are down to one more full day here, tomorrow we'll go to the US consulate where we have a short, but very official swearing in and with that, Lu is legally our adopted son and also as US citizen the minute we touch down back home. Getting this all accomplished in China is beyond a relief, believe me, after all the paperwork you do to get to this point, the idea of more legal work, appointments and paperwork back home would literally push me over the edge.

All in all, we are holding up well. Lu had his first night of real grief and cried that sad, deep sob that is instantly recognizable to me. He allows us to comfort him a little but I know as he pushes us away, he's really wanting the familiar touch, smell and sound of his beloved Auntie. I know many more days and nights of this are ahead of us, and I'm grateful for the guidance and education Children's Home Society (our agency) has provided us. We have the empathy and understanding to help Lu through this phase and I can tell Lu has the capacity to accept love and comfort, so we have a good foundation to build on.

This will likely be our last post from China, thanks to all for checking in on us, reading our stories, sending such great emails and being a part of our trip. We look forward to seeing you all once we're back! Next up, the 24 hr plane ride home, lord help us : ) Love to you all. Mel, Pete, Clara, Lu, Fran and Wayne

p.s. the photo of Clara shows her fall in a dept. store, she's much better now and please cross your fingers for us that we avoid anymore bumps and bruises before we leave.

BLESSINGS