BEDTIME CONVERSATIONS

The serious, deep thinking conversations with my kids happen at bedtime. It's about the only time their bodies are still and they have the time to process thoughts, ideas, worries and questions. And I'm pretty certain, the hope of starting a conversation engaging enough to stay up just a little bit longer. It's a rare moment when you feel as though the process of adoption can be used to your advantage in explaining tough things, but as I was talking to Lu the other night, and flying by the seat of my pants I might add — it came in pretty handy!

LU: "Mom, are you gonna die?"

ME: (blindsided, oh crap, I'm SO not prepared for this) "Um, yes Lu, everything that's alive will die someday, even Mommy, but not for a long, long, long time."

LU: "But I don't want you to die"

ME: (damn that "I love you forever" book) I know honey, but when that happens you'll be all grown up and be able to take care of yourself, and I'll always be right inside in your heart with you."

LU: (starting to cry) But I don't want to grow up and I want to be with you forever!"

ME: "Even when we die Lu, we'll be still together, we'll find each other again"

LU: "But how? I won't know how to find you"

ME: (smiling) "You wont have to find me, I'll find you. Remember when you were a little baby in China, you were on the other side of the world, so far away from me, but I found you didn't I"?

LU: (thinking) "yes..." (smiling) "You did find me Mom! You flew far, far on an airplane and you DID find me!"

ME: "Yes, I did. I will always find you Lu, you are my son and I am your Momma"

LU: "I love you Mommy"

ME: "I love you too Lu, so, so, so, so, so, so ,so, so, so, so, so, so, so much"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LU

Today Lu turned 4. At least in years. In wisdom and experience I feel as though he turned 75. My son is the most content and happy person I know, he loves everything. Ask him, he'll tell you. Whenever he has to choose a favorite of anything — he simply can't, rattling off a list of whatever it is until he finally just looks at you and says "everything ... everything is my favorite", a smile on his face. Lu never has a bad day, a cranky day or a day where he's fussy and irritable, he just has days that are a little less happy than his usual happiness in overdrive. He rubs off on all of us and we're grateful for it.

Tonight I read Lu one of my favorite books, "On the Day You Were Born" by Debra Frasier. And although we all deserve to be celebrated in the way she describes — all of nature rejoicing at our entrance into the world — there are a rare few individuals that bring joy in such abundance that they touch us in profound ways. My son is like that. And I know that his kind heart and beautiful spirit is remembered in China by the people who knew and loved him there. He's only four years old and already one of the most remarkable people I know. We love you Lu and are so happy you're a part of our family.


Good old fashioned bike parade birthday party


Lu and I spent his actual birthday at Como Zoo


So excited to get his own backpack for his birthday!


Lu and Pete check out the backpack

WEDNESDAY CRAFTERNOON

What good is Springtime unless you have a fancy Spring hat? Even better if it makes you giggle.

EXACTLY.

Clara: "Mom, why did you want to have a baby?"

Me: (long pause) "well, I wanted to love a child, be with her as she learns about the world, laugh with her, teach her what's important and good and how to be kind and —"

Clara interrupting: "And you wanted to snuggle her? And snuggling would make you feel comfort? Like when I suck my thumb?"

Me: "Yes Clara. That's exactly right."

And it is exactly right.

AWWW, AREN'T THEY PRECIOUS! Part Seven

Clara: "Lu, can I have that little dog?"

Lu: "Lu, can I have that little dog?"

Clara: "Stop copying me, please."

Lu: "Stop copying me, please. " (hysterical laughter)

Clara: "Lu, (sigh) just stop."

Lu: "Lu, just stop." (hysterical laughter)

Clara: "Mom, Lu won't stop copying me."

Lu: "Mom, Lu won't stop copying me." (really hysterical laughter)

Me: "Lu, please stop copying Clara, she asked you nicely."

Lu: "Lu, please stop copying Clara, she asked you nicely."

Me: "Lu wants a really hard spankin'."

Lu: " Lu wants a .... " (silence)

heh heh heh. take that little stinker.

BIG NO. 6

Clara turned 6 on February 10th. I tried to imagine her as a new born baby, tiny and red faced squealing, wrapped in a blanket, big brown eyes looking out and wondering just what this world is all about. And I let myself — briefly — linger over what that day must have been like for her birth mother, who after carrying Clara for 9 months, had to say good-bye the same day she said hello. The greatest joys and the most difficult sadness intertwine with adoption, always joining up somewhere in the heart. If I could talk to Clara's birthparents, this is what I would tell them:

You can not imagine the beauty this child has — big, brown, expressive eyes, a face that lights up when she smiles and her dimples show. And passion! Passion for everything she takes an interest in! Especially food — which one of you did she get that from?! She just had her big Chinese New Year performance at school, her class performed a traditional Chinese dance ... you would have been so proud, I wished you could have seen it. We could have sat together holding hands, asking each other for tissues as we grinned ear to ear, tears streaking down our cheeks. There were 500 people in the audience and she stood on stage after her class was done, searching for us. She finally saw us way in the back but didn't see Lu, who was lost in all the adult heads and shoulders. So what do you think she did? Of course she yelled to him. Oblivious to her classmates walking off stage, oblivious to the huge crowd and people watching. Just a little girl who loves her brother so much she wanted to be sure he saw her, and her him. "LULU! LU!" she hollered (getting dangerously close to the mic). And I held him up and their eyes met and she smiled and waved. And he smiled and yelled her name, laughing. And my heart almost burst. That is our daughter, a big hearted, big voiced, big loving child. With a big appetite to match. I wish you could see her. I know you must think of her. She thinks of you too and we blow you kisses sometimes. I hope you catch them.

AWWW, AREN'T THEY PRECIOUS! Part Six

Clara: "Mom I don't want to have any children, I just want to be a Jimmy Johns cooker."

Oh goody! No Grandkids but all the submarine sandwiches I can eat!

CATCHING UP

Well, it certainly has been a while hasn't it?

Since my last entry we've celebrated Clara's gotcha day, Christmas, New Years and lots of other odds and ends, the most notable being Lu's spiral fracture on his fibula. Really now, for anyone who knows Lu, you can't possibly be surprised. He's unbelievably athletic so it's hard to discourage him from climbing, jumping, running, throwing and bouncing himself and everything around him. Pete and I were taking bets in China how long it would be before he was in a cast. He made it 19 months under our watchful, nervous eyes.

After a few days of feeling uncharacteristically blue, he finally told us how sad he was about his leg. A long, sweet conversation took place and I realized that although 3 and a half is still so young, these little folks have complex ideas and worries that deserve kind, patient listening to help them feel better, physically and emotionally. I'm happy to report that each day Lu seems more and more like himself, giggling, playing tricks on us all and managing to run, even with a full leg cast (the best part is that we can now actually catch him!) The docs expect his leg to heal fully after 6 weeks in a cast and Pete and I have already started talking about which bone will be next.

Chinese Immersion School continues to amaze us and Clara LOVES it. We're looking forward to the upcoming Chinese New Year program, although we've gotten plenty of sneak previews from our stage-friendly performer. As The Year of the Tiger approaches, we'll be thinking of friends and families, near and far who share the love of China and it's culture. Enjoy your celebrations!


Lu's preschool holiday program, the boy in yellow is his best buddy Tenzing, who was born in Nepel

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they made the good list, Santa checked


my kids adore each other, most of the time


pre-broken leg, Lu was all set up to launch his x-country ski career this winter


two friends recovering from their injuries.