BIG NO. 6

Clara turned 6 on February 10th. I tried to imagine her as a new born baby, tiny and red faced squealing, wrapped in a blanket, big brown eyes looking out and wondering just what this world is all about. And I let myself — briefly — linger over what that day must have been like for her birth mother, who after carrying Clara for 9 months, had to say good-bye the same day she said hello. The greatest joys and the most difficult sadness intertwine with adoption, always joining up somewhere in the heart. If I could talk to Clara's birthparents, this is what I would tell them:

You can not imagine the beauty this child has — big, brown, expressive eyes, a face that lights up when she smiles and her dimples show. And passion! Passion for everything she takes an interest in! Especially food — which one of you did she get that from?! She just had her big Chinese New Year performance at school, her class performed a traditional Chinese dance ... you would have been so proud, I wished you could have seen it. We could have sat together holding hands, asking each other for tissues as we grinned ear to ear, tears streaking down our cheeks. There were 500 people in the audience and she stood on stage after her class was done, searching for us. She finally saw us way in the back but didn't see Lu, who was lost in all the adult heads and shoulders. So what do you think she did? Of course she yelled to him. Oblivious to her classmates walking off stage, oblivious to the huge crowd and people watching. Just a little girl who loves her brother so much she wanted to be sure he saw her, and her him. "LULU! LU!" she hollered (getting dangerously close to the mic). And I held him up and their eyes met and she smiled and waved. And he smiled and yelled her name, laughing. And my heart almost burst. That is our daughter, a big hearted, big voiced, big loving child. With a big appetite to match. I wish you could see her. I know you must think of her. She thinks of you too and we blow you kisses sometimes. I hope you catch them.