THE FINE ART OF BEING A GOOD MOM

Who needs kids around to act like one?


The wonderfully talented and fabulous Chellie Brown has one of the best laughs I know, you may have heard it, it's quite loud : )


Captain Ann Trench and the Booze Cruisers


hmmm, Chellie and Ann seem to differ in opinions about the weather


Ok, so I didn't completely get over my guilt...at the very first stop we made, I gave into the handmade lollipops strategically placed at the check out to entice childless vacationing Moms


So many books, experts and social workers coach adoptive parents on attachment, stress the wisdom of parenting from the start of placement rather than the age of the child, (in other words, treat them as newborns) and live by the mantra "high structure, high nurture". All this is great advice, and very valuable. But -- it's kinda like figuring out a Rubik's cube, one move in any direction creates a new challenge, another imbalance in the puzzle. Plus, being so attentive and focused on parenting your orphaned, love deprived children (this description is not so much about the true identity of my kids as it is what my guilty brain says to me every time I don't cater to their every need) can leave you deflated, cranky and with a personal energy crisis of you own.

Last weekend I departed with a car full of my favorite 'Momrades" for my first ever, personal, non job related trip without my family. I left them standing on the front porch, my husband looking forlorn and a bit worried, both kids crying their eyes out. I felt so much guilt that it was a good 25 miles down the road before my tears started to dry up and I could refocus my thoughts on the gigantic wine supply stashed in the trunk. My very good friend, sounding board and fellow Mom, Ann, supplied us with a super-deluxe lake home complete with water skiing and booze cruise capabilities. In the moments I had between cocktails and laugh out loud conversations, I realized it was in no ones best interest for me to be a Mom 100% of the time. I also realized that by only listening to the experts about parenting adopted kids, I wasn't listening to my own instincts. My kids need a patient, calm, happy Mom to become well balanced and happy people. Getting Lu to sleep in his own room, in his bed without one of us may fly in the face of many experts but it will give Pete and I some much needed time in the evening to push around the other little colored blocks in our crazy Rubik's cube life.

My advice to newly adopted parents? Yes, read the books, yes listen to your very wise and educated social worker, yes allow your heart to feel all the losses your child has likely experienced. And then listen to yourself, listen the common sense and instincts that will keep you sane and your family happy. I am pleased to report that I arrived home to a clean house, smiling, well-fed children and a Dad who now has a bit more confidence in his care taking abilities. A good lesson was learned by all.

EVERYBODY POLKA!

In an attempt to wear Lu and Clara out before bedtime the other night, we loaded them up to go see "The Fridley City Polka Band" for a free concert at Como Park Amphitheatre. Oh how I wished you all had been in the audience. Let me see if I can give you a good mental picture...first of all, as you'd expect being in Minnah-so-tah, we were surrounded by Scandinavians, Poles and Germans, mostly of a generation that actually can polka dance. Our two kids were easy to spot in the crowd, not only because they were the only Chinese-American children there, but mostly because they are dancin' fools. Lu is still young enough and limited in his body movements that he exhibited a respectable enough dance form. Clara though, oh lordy, clear the aisles and give this child some room! Imagine if you will, a mixture of modern free form ballet, combined with skipping (she just learned how) and lots of arms out wide, head tilted toward the sky twirling. And lots of giggling. Oh, and running. Um, into people.

Fearful of the mounting competition for attention my children were waging against the Polka band, they eventually invited Clara and Lu up on stage for introductions and better audience viewing of their sizable talents. To hell with worrying about them becoming show-offs, Pete and I were beaming prouder than Michael Phelps' parents have been this week. Needless to say, after an hour and a half of Polka craziness, our kids were wiped out. They fell asleep as soon as their little heads hit the pillow. Mission accomplished. I regret to inform you that I did not have my camera or you'd be forced to see for yourself the gigantic amounts of cuteness my children can unleash into the world. I did however, manage to find a photo of the Fridley City Polka Band, who are pretty darn cute themselves.

MALARNEY FAMILY REUNION

A portion of the Malarney's


My niece, Aubrey (LOVE those curls!)


Jenny even provided housing for left-over guests : )


My Aunt Betty and Uncle Ed, who are especially good to Clara and Lu


Lu, Sarah Malarney, Clara and Abby Malarney (these kids had a ball together!)


Lu finds out his quiet little family of four is only the tip of the iceberg. Now that he's met almost everyone on his Mom's side, we'll have to tackle the huge family of Chaputs.

LU MEETS HALF OF HIS BIG FAMILY

The cousins on Grandma's front porch


Lu and Aubrey have birthdays just a few days apart.


Nate, Lu, Clara, Jay and Max survey the farm


Pop Pop gives Lu his first wagon ride


Now there's a triple dose of trouble if I ever saw one!


Nate, Lu and Clara share some laughs


Pete and I both come from especially large families. Pete has 12 brothers and sisters and although I only have 3 siblings, my Mom has 10 brothers (she's the only girl) and my Dad has 8 brothers and sisters. Our kids have 18 first cousins (mine total over 45) and if I counted right, on my Mom's side alone, they have 53 second cousins (with 2 on the way).

The better part of my childhood was spent on my Grandparents farm where my Mom grew up. There was always an abundance of food, chaos and of course, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. The Malarneys celebrate holidays and reunions better than any family I know (besides the Chaput's, who can throw a pretty crazy party themselves!) and Clara, Lu and I hopped a plane to hang out with my parents for a week and go to my cousin Jenny's lakefront home for this summers family gathering. Pete, heartbroken at missing out on any Malarney gathering, had to stay in MN and work.

Having spent his first two years in a pretty big family of his own, Lu warmed up to his cousins pretty fast and couldn't get enough rough-housing and playing with my nephews. At the family reunion, both he and Clara had a great time swimming, running wild and playing with a school-district sized population of kids. Although usually fairly strict about sweets, at these events I let them eat whatever and of course, easy access to a slushie machine, cakes, trays of cookies and an occasional half eaten dessert left by an unsuspecting relative (eh, whatcha gonna do?) made the day that much more memorable to Clara and Lu.

We're grateful and fortunate for both of us to have families so big, boisterous and fun!