The sassy title of this particular post has good reason. And if you're in the mood to get an ear full, pull up a chair. If not, stop by when you see a title warm and fuzzy enough for your liking.
Ok, my kids can be nosey. Mostly cause the big one is as curious as they come and the little one just does whatever the big one does. They are both smart, they ask questions almost nonstop. They are also outgoing, social and friendly. Most of the time they have manners, they have certainly been taught manners. But they are 5 and 3, so they forget. And their brains are still working on all the complex social rights and wrongs that us adults are still trying to master (some more than others I might add). My kids are NOT misbehaving, wild banshees who feel the need to insert themselves squarely into everyone else's business. They are KIDS.
Recently I've had the misfortune of being reprimanded about my kids behavior, by way of someone else reprimanding my kids. You know what I'm talking about, right? Before you even get a chance to reign your child in, someone else has done it for you, without your blessing and with that look of judgement that says "your. kids. are. out. of. control." It wasn't till I met the truly wonderful Grandmother of one of Clara's playmates at our local pool that I realized she had it down, she knew the gig. And I liked they way she saw my child.
My daughter and her grandson were doing cannon balls right in front of us as we were talking. As I was getting ready to pull Clara aside to let her know it wasn't ok to jump and splash right in front of adults, this lovely woman started laughing — great big giggly-tip-your-head-back-and roar laugh. She looked at me grinning and said "Kids love to splash, don't they?" And she's right (we were in the pool after all). They love to play and splash and laugh and run and ask questions and discover and learn and ask other Moms if they can have some of their snacks.
Let me just say this, if you're not a parent — keep your yap shut about mine (unless they're going to hurt you, themselves or someone else). And if you are a parent — take 5 seconds to be sure your own child is out there engaging, learning, discovering and testing the world before you start in on mine. Cause I'm a good Mom who teaches manners, kindness, thoughtfulness and appropriate behavior. Don't assume I need lessons on how to do it from you. (snap, snap)
Stepping down from soapbox now.
8.24.2009
8.23.2009
8.17.2009
WORTH SHARING
I found this on a friends blog and wanted to be sure it's posted on mine as well. I still think about some of the families we met in China during both our adoptions, people who were so unprepared, so overwhelmed and in one case, very unhappy with a beautiful but very sad, grieving little girl.
For any parent comes responsibility to do the best you can by your child. With adoption, that means understanding the history your child holds within. And then advocating for them, long before you ever take them into your arms.
Feel free to copy this or pass it along to others, there can't be enough said on the following wise words.
Letter posted by Amy E. of Love Without Boundaries
"I most definitely wish there was a way to educate ALL adoptive parents about the truths of institutional care, however I have come to realize in my daily work that just as many parents are not online reading everything they can find on adoption as are reading.There are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of parents out there who have no idea what life is like for a child in an orphanage, and who head overseas to pick up their "China doll" only to be handed a baby who is unresponsive, thin, unable to eat...and on and on and on.While adopting my son last month, I walked several times over to the White Swan (Hotel where parents stay in China) to talk to parents, and over and over I spoke with moms and dads who had no clue whatsoever about the issues their kids were having.I heard so many times things like, "she won't eat solid foods" (oral aversion), "she has no muscle tone" (muscle atrophy from lying in a crib all day), "she won't smile" (pure grieving from being taken from her foster mom).I guess since I live China 24/7, I assume everyone adopting does, too, which is not the case.I was trying to process how many parents get all the way to China without ever reading about post-institutional issues.It was sobering to me.Babies in the NSN (non-special needs) as well as the SN (special needs) path can have issues with attachment, motor skills, emotional issues and more.Again, I am often surprised to talk to parents leaving soon and to realize they are not prepared. One family was adopting from our foster care program, and when I told them that the child was DEEPLY attached to the mom,the father said, "guess she might cry for an hour or so then?"An hour or so? She had been in foster care for over a year!I tried to explain that this little girl was about ready to lose everything she had ever known, and that they should not expect her to be sunny, happy, and full of personality after an hour.I told them to please remember the 72 hour rule.......that after 72 hours they would probably see her spark, but that she would probably grieve for a long time after that as well.I think for many adoptive parents, they just don't want to read the "bad stuff", and so I do think that ultimately it is the parents who are at fault for not doing more to educate themselves.There certainly are books galore out there about post-institutional issues.I think adoption from China is very similar to giving birth.. it is much more rosy to only read the happy stories on APC (another website for adoptive parents), but I now encourage every family I meet to read the harder ones as well.It is always a very sad day for the orphanage and everyone involved when a child that they know is absolutely fine, but perhaps thin and grieving, is returned by their new parents for being "delayed".I think far too many people believe their child's life is going to begin the moment they meet them.The truth is, and everyone must realize it...a child's life is going on RIGHT NOW in China, and all of their experiences are shaping who they are.The one thing I have learned over and over again about the kids in China is that they are fighters and survivors.But for some reason, people seem to want to ignore these issues in public forums.Recently, one of our medical babies that we had met several times in person was adopted, and we all knew that this child was a "spitfire".When the family arrived and spent a few days with her, they decided she was too much of a handful for them and they wanted to disrupt.She absolutely was not what they expected.I think all of us, who do realize that delays occur and that babies can usually overcome them, should be these children's advocates by continually trying to educate new parents on what to expect in China.By helping them be better prepared, we just might help stop a disruption in the future.I love Chinese adoption with my whole heart, and it is my life's work…but I also want every family who goes to get their baby to go with their eyes open and to be as emotionally prepared as possible, for the child's sake."
Amy E-Love Without Boundaries"
For any parent comes responsibility to do the best you can by your child. With adoption, that means understanding the history your child holds within. And then advocating for them, long before you ever take them into your arms.
Feel free to copy this or pass it along to others, there can't be enough said on the following wise words.
Letter posted by Amy E. of Love Without Boundaries
"I most definitely wish there was a way to educate ALL adoptive parents about the truths of institutional care, however I have come to realize in my daily work that just as many parents are not online reading everything they can find on adoption as are reading.There are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of parents out there who have no idea what life is like for a child in an orphanage, and who head overseas to pick up their "China doll" only to be handed a baby who is unresponsive, thin, unable to eat...and on and on and on.While adopting my son last month, I walked several times over to the White Swan (Hotel where parents stay in China) to talk to parents, and over and over I spoke with moms and dads who had no clue whatsoever about the issues their kids were having.I heard so many times things like, "she won't eat solid foods" (oral aversion), "she has no muscle tone" (muscle atrophy from lying in a crib all day), "she won't smile" (pure grieving from being taken from her foster mom).I guess since I live China 24/7, I assume everyone adopting does, too, which is not the case.I was trying to process how many parents get all the way to China without ever reading about post-institutional issues.It was sobering to me.Babies in the NSN (non-special needs) as well as the SN (special needs) path can have issues with attachment, motor skills, emotional issues and more.Again, I am often surprised to talk to parents leaving soon and to realize they are not prepared. One family was adopting from our foster care program, and when I told them that the child was DEEPLY attached to the mom,the father said, "guess she might cry for an hour or so then?"An hour or so? She had been in foster care for over a year!I tried to explain that this little girl was about ready to lose everything she had ever known, and that they should not expect her to be sunny, happy, and full of personality after an hour.I told them to please remember the 72 hour rule.......that after 72 hours they would probably see her spark, but that she would probably grieve for a long time after that as well.I think for many adoptive parents, they just don't want to read the "bad stuff", and so I do think that ultimately it is the parents who are at fault for not doing more to educate themselves.There certainly are books galore out there about post-institutional issues.I think adoption from China is very similar to giving birth.. it is much more rosy to only read the happy stories on APC (another website for adoptive parents), but I now encourage every family I meet to read the harder ones as well.It is always a very sad day for the orphanage and everyone involved when a child that they know is absolutely fine, but perhaps thin and grieving, is returned by their new parents for being "delayed".I think far too many people believe their child's life is going to begin the moment they meet them.The truth is, and everyone must realize it...a child's life is going on RIGHT NOW in China, and all of their experiences are shaping who they are.The one thing I have learned over and over again about the kids in China is that they are fighters and survivors.But for some reason, people seem to want to ignore these issues in public forums.Recently, one of our medical babies that we had met several times in person was adopted, and we all knew that this child was a "spitfire".When the family arrived and spent a few days with her, they decided she was too much of a handful for them and they wanted to disrupt.She absolutely was not what they expected.I think all of us, who do realize that delays occur and that babies can usually overcome them, should be these children's advocates by continually trying to educate new parents on what to expect in China.By helping them be better prepared, we just might help stop a disruption in the future.I love Chinese adoption with my whole heart, and it is my life's work…but I also want every family who goes to get their baby to go with their eyes open and to be as emotionally prepared as possible, for the child's sake."
Amy E-Love Without Boundaries"
8.06.2009
LU SWIMS
A full year ahead of Clara, Lu began swimming today. We've been in lessons this week, a Mom and Tot class with very basic water fundamentals. But being true to his nature, Lu catches on quick and as with any type of sport or athletic activity, seems to excel almost immediately. I'm not athletic — never have been, but I better jump on the bandwagon cause I have a feeling I'm going to be spending an awful lot of time sitting in bleachers.
Oh, he can do summersaults too. Underwater. And I will not be surprised if he rides a two wheeler before Fall is over.
I don't have any swim photos so instead I'm posting one of Lu's many heart stopping play yard maneuvers. Pray for me.
8.02.2009
CHINESE CULTURE MAKES A HOUSE CALL
If you've read this blog for a while, chances are you know who Molly is (if not, it's worth it to find out). Every year, Children's Home Society holds a reunion for families who have adopted in China. Of course there are games, food, activities and booths with local links to Chinese culture. But, the big draw is always the Reps who work in China and bring us face to face with our children. Every couple years the agency is able to bring these people to the U.S. and this year we asked if we could host them. Of course we had a special agenda as our good friend Molly was one of the visiting Reps.
Molly has known Clara since she was 10 months old, we keep that relationship alive by sending pkgs., letters and photos back and forth via other traveling adoptive families. The last time Molly was in MN. she was still adjusting to her new found celebrity status among the families she's helped. This time it did my heart good to see her smiling and soaking in the love we all feel toward her. Of course Molly has a job that would guarantee her beloved status no matter how well she did it. But as it happens, Molly quite simply — kicks ass. She loves kids, has a heart of pure gold and the patience of a saint. But what really makes Molly shine is her people smarts, she knows exactly how to read any situation and get the necessary results. Trust me on this, I've seen her in action and there's no one better.
As an adoptive parent, I search out and try to get my kids connections to their birth country but I'm never quite convinced it hits the mark. Enter Molly and Vivian. They stayed with us for 7 days and that short time gave them more culture than I've ever been able to. For an impressionable 5 yr. old who wants "skin like yours, Mommy", Clara had role models who showered her with attention — and just by example, gave her more pride in her heritage than I ever can. For breakfast, my kids insisted on eating rice noodles and broth with chopsticks so they could be like their "A'yi Molly and A'yi Vivi". Clara and Lu both begged to learn more Chinese words, telling me every time I tried to pronounce something "No Mom, thats not right, it's like THIS! You're not Chinese so it's harder for you" And of course they're right.
The girls were very busy with training and with other families lined up to see them, but the little moments my kids could share with them, drinking tea, eating chinese candies, listening to stories, was what gave them a true sense of China. Thank you Molly and Vivi, this was a gift beyond measure and you both have lifelong places in our hearts, and in our home.
Molly has known Clara since she was 10 months old, we keep that relationship alive by sending pkgs., letters and photos back and forth via other traveling adoptive families. The last time Molly was in MN. she was still adjusting to her new found celebrity status among the families she's helped. This time it did my heart good to see her smiling and soaking in the love we all feel toward her. Of course Molly has a job that would guarantee her beloved status no matter how well she did it. But as it happens, Molly quite simply — kicks ass. She loves kids, has a heart of pure gold and the patience of a saint. But what really makes Molly shine is her people smarts, she knows exactly how to read any situation and get the necessary results. Trust me on this, I've seen her in action and there's no one better.
As an adoptive parent, I search out and try to get my kids connections to their birth country but I'm never quite convinced it hits the mark. Enter Molly and Vivian. They stayed with us for 7 days and that short time gave them more culture than I've ever been able to. For an impressionable 5 yr. old who wants "skin like yours, Mommy", Clara had role models who showered her with attention — and just by example, gave her more pride in her heritage than I ever can. For breakfast, my kids insisted on eating rice noodles and broth with chopsticks so they could be like their "A'yi Molly and A'yi Vivi". Clara and Lu both begged to learn more Chinese words, telling me every time I tried to pronounce something "No Mom, thats not right, it's like THIS! You're not Chinese so it's harder for you" And of course they're right.
The girls were very busy with training and with other families lined up to see them, but the little moments my kids could share with them, drinking tea, eating chinese candies, listening to stories, was what gave them a true sense of China. Thank you Molly and Vivi, this was a gift beyond measure and you both have lifelong places in our hearts, and in our home.
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