PART FLYING MONKEY, PART 2 YR. OLD LUNATIC

So I'm just a sitting on the bottom step of our stairway leading up the 2nd floor of the house, minding my own business, happy as a clam to be sipping on a much needed cup of coffee and trading Christmas stories over the phone with my sister. When out of NOWHERE something comes flying from behind, grazes my shoulder and knocks the coffee cup, poised for drinking, into my front tooth and then tumbling onto the carpet, spraying my beloved (and, did I mention — much needed!) steaming hot coffee to kingdom come.

What in the H-E-double hockey sticks WAS IT you wonder! A flying monkey come to take me back to Oz? A stray mountain lion? A rabid squirrel? Oh, no. Just my beloved VERY, VERY, VERY jump obsessed youngest child. Who happens to be a boy. And is nothing like his sister who never attempted to jump her mother like some hoodlum. Or like I was the Grand Canyon and she was Evil Knevil. No, only my son, who ended his leap from the top of the stairs by crashing into a heap at the bottom (thank god my shoulder broke his fall) and hollering bloody murder for the next 10 minutes.

And Beth ... by the way ... sorry for screaming swear words into the phone before it went dead.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL

Clara and her partner in crime, Veronica, at their preschool holiday recital


Lu, Clara (with her trademark grin) and Santa


Lu with the photo album we made for his A'yi and the gifts we sent to his orphanage in Xi'an, China


Clara and the gifts we sent to her orphanage in Yangjiang, China


The angel ornaments Clara made (quite spectacular if I do say so myself)

WASTE NOT, WANT NOT

This is what's left of an apple after Clara eats it.

REALITY

Lest anyone think the title of Mom guarantees days filled with sweetness cascading out the door, down the driveway and into the world, please read on.

3:00 a.m.: Awake to oldest child crying out for a change of pj's and bedding. Need I say more.

3:10 a.m.: Youngest child wakes up and so begins a battle between the two of "MY Mommy!", "NO! MYYYYY MOMMMYYYY!", "MOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!!!! I NEED YOU!!!!!!!", "NO!!!!! MOOOMMMMMMMYYYYY I NEED YOU!!!!!!!!"

4:30 a.m.: Youngest child finally falls back to sleep.

5:30 a.m. Oldest child finishes pre-dawn snack and FINALLY goes back to bed. With her parents.

9:30 a.m. Sleep deprived Mom wakes to the noise of PBS kids and realizes her kids have been up for at least an hour while she remained comatose in bed. Considers calling social services on herself. Makes coffee instead.

9:45 a.m. First poo of the day

10:00 a.m. Clean up the yogurt youngest child has finger painted on table and chair. Get kids dressed, make beds, remake bed that youngest child has unmade. Put load of pj's and bedding in the wash. Microwave untouched cup of coffee.

11:00 a.m. Administer first time out.

11:10 a.m. Administer second time out.

11:15 a.m.: Bundle kids up and send them outside to play. Microwave still untouched cup of coffee. Think about changing out of pj's and into real clothes.

11:30 a.m. Yell out the door at youngest child to stop throwing sand. Help oldest child get sand out of eyes. Wonder how long it takes bare feet to frost bite.

12:00 noon: Make lunch, unbundle kids, clean up piles of sand that come out of their clothes, blow noses, kiss cold cheeks, change diaper, wipe bottom for second poo of the day. Take a drink of cold coffee.

12:30 p.m. Look for food youngest child has thrown good lord knows where. Clean applesauce off the table and chair, wipe faces and hands, stop youngest child from stealing a drink of oldest child's milk. Oldest child cries anyway.

1:30 p.m. Decide it's too late to take a shower, think about changing out of pj's. Administer 3rd time out. Help youngest child get band aids unstuck from hair. Comfort youngest child since getting band aids out of hair is painful. Read Curious George books. Get a snack for kids

2:30 p.m. From downstairs laundry room hear screaming, fighting and crying. Think about escaping through the basement window and heading straight to the bar. Administer 4th time out.

3:00 p.m. Go against 2 of my own parenting rules and bribe oldest child with candy to find and put together the 7 puzzles youngest child has taken apart and strewn to kingdom come (rule number 1 -- no bribing, rule number 2, don't use sweets as a reward.) Briefly wonder if husband will notice I'm still in pj's when he comes home.

3:30 p.m. Refold laundry youngest child has unfolded. Get another snack for kids. Answer phone. Refold laundry youngest child has unfolded, again. Smile and hug oldest child for offering to put towels away. Refold towels after oldest child drops them down the stairs. Get youngest child out of cereal box. Clean up cereal that's now all over the floor. Think about what to make for dinner. Try and remember how many days its been since I've taken a shower, start to worry about personal hygiene and the correlation of self esteem in children who's parents are slobs.

4:00 p.m. Dust living room, family room and entryway for Thanksgiving cleaning prep. Answer phone. Swipe pledge out of youngest child's hands before he can spray it on older child. Admonish myself for being so careless with cleaning supplies. Dance to Rolling Stones with kids, hope neighbors can't see me in my pj's through the windows. Turn on PBS kids and break 2 more parenting rules, no more than 2 hours of TV a day, and no watching that sarcastic, smart ass "Word Girl". Make pizza for dinner, give kids carrots as snack. Change diaper. Break up fight over who gets to turn the TV off. Break up fight over who gets to choose the book we're going to read. Break up fight over who's going to sit in my lap. Break up fight over who tore the page in the book.

5:30 p.m. Pete comes home, doesn't notice I'm still in my pj's (good sign or bad sign? you be the judge) Give in to youngest child crying and let him sit on my lap during dinner (broken rule number 5)

6:30 p.m. Get youngest child ready for bed, stay calm while he splashes water EVERYWHERE and refuses to let me brush his teeth. Rock youngest child to sleep. Wonder if I should change into fresh pj's before bed or just stay in the ones I have on.

7:30 p.m. Get bedtime snack for oldest child. Tuck her in. Say good-bye to Pete who's going out to watch the Packers game.

8:00 p.m. Wonder if it's too early to go to bed. Hope that both kids sleep through the night.

CLARA, THE COLORFUL BALLERINA

Children make the world a joyful place.

We were one of many families gathered at the local elementary school auditorium for Clara's Community Ed. ballet class recital. Cameras were flashing left and right, parents were cheering, Grandparents, relatives and friends were beaming as a dozen 4 and 5 year olds took the stage and proudly performed the ballet and tap dances they've been working on for weeks.

It's these moments when I'm able to step back, take a deep breath and feel a gratitude that goes beyond words that I am a Mom.

Worth noting, Clara wanted to choose something "really special and pretty" to wear for the recital, and indeed she does look really special and pretty.

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT BONDING TIME

In the wee hours of the night, oh I'd say about 4:00 a.m.ish is when Lu usually wakes up.

Most nights I'm next to him so when he cries out, I can let him know I'm right there, ready to rub his back and help him fall asleep again (at least thats the plan) And some nights I'm in my own bed, trying to get a solid nights sleep without a foot in face, neck or back. Lu always stumbles in to find me, softly crying out "momma". I scoop him up and am so happy to be able to reassure him, give him the comfort he needs and most of all, just be his Mom. Last night as we were laying in bed, cosy under a pile of blankets and faces nose to nose, Lu reached out, patted my face and said "you're mine".

I would easily trade months worth of sleep for those beautiful, sweet, amazing two little words.

BARBIE CREST VS. PRESIDENT OBAMA

It may not seem like a big deal, having my daughter insist on us buying the toothpaste with Barbie on the label. But it becomes a big deal when she's brushing her teeth and looks at me with her huge, beautiful brown eyes, tears brimming at the edges and asking "why don't I look like that Mom?" "I don't like my skin." That's when I'd like to kick Barbie's ass. Along with the marketing people who begin shaping the images and ideals that children digest.

We work hard to make sure Clara and Lu have positive role models, Clara's pre-school is diverse and the staff comes in multi-colored hues. We seek out doctors, dentists, stores and restaurants that reflect the same look we have in our family—multicultural. But it's never enough to counter the huge opposing force of mainstream white America, in story books, in products, in marketing, in the day to day.

But now I have a new ally in combatting the images given to my daughter to build her world. It's up to Pete and I to be sure our kids grow up valuing the diversity this Country has, themselves included, but Barack Obama just made our jobs a whole lot easier.

VOTE!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Lu took to the American Trick or Treat tradition with the gusto of sugar addict after a fix. He could not unwrap the candy fast enough and just crammed whatever he could lay his hands on into his mouth. Usually a very unselfish and kind hearted child, if anyone dared even look in the direction of his plastic pumpkin holding his loot he would scream "MINE!!!!!" The first words out of mouth on Saturday morning were "candy Mom, candy!" I predict Lu will devour the 5 pieces we let him keep within the day. Clara on the other hand, will count, re-count, organize and look after her five pieces of candy for days...my best guess is that she'll savour it slowly, making it last all the way till Christmas.

And in case any of you out there are thinking "what! only 5 measly pieces of candy! who approved this miserly woman to have children!" I stand by my decision to keep their sugar intake to a minimum, soon enough they'll learn to sneak it when I'm not looking. As for the left over piles that are filling my mixing bowls, Pete bought it from the kids for $5.00 where it will join all the other leftover Halloween candy, on the desks of corporate America.

THE VERY HUNGRY CHAPUT CHILDREN

In the light of the moon, two little bumps lay under their blankets.
One Sunday morning, the warm sun came up and—pop!—out from the blankets came two tiny and very hungry children.
They started to ask for some food.
Their mother fed them each a big bowl of yogurt, applesauce and granola, but they were still hungry.
Their mother fed them peanut butter toast, but they were still hungry.
Their mother gave them orange juice cut with water, but they were still hungry.
Their mother stopped at Sara Jane's bakery for doughnuts after story hour at the library, but they were still hungry.
Their mother fed them turkey sandwiches, cottage cheese, broccoli, pear slices and milk for lunch, but they were still hungry.
Their mother fed them goldfish crackers and string cheese for a snack, but they were still hungry.
Soon it was dinner time. The children ate chicken vegetable soup with dumplings (and then had seconds), apple crisp and ice cream, glasses of milk and a drink of water before bedtime.
That night, surprisingly, they did not have stomachaches.
The next morning was breakfast time again. The children ate Clifford Crunch.
Now, believe it or not, they were still hungry—but they weren't such little children any more. They were eating round the clock and constantly telling their mommy they were hungry. Then they tried to put on their clothes, push their feet into their shoes and ... discovered although they had not turned into beautiful butterflies, they had suddenly grown out of everything they owned. (And one of them even skipped a whole shoes size while his mother wasn't paying attention.)
The End.

A HAPPY BAPTISM

When we decided to have Lu baptised near Pete's family, we knew we'd need to coordinate with our church here and hope that the parish we chose in Wisconsin would reflect our own more liberal beliefs and lifestyle.

As a reluctant Catholic who's more inspired by Buddhism, I wasn't completely sold on the notion of having either of our kids baptised. But, the religious aspect of being catholic is only a fraction of what it has meant to me over the course of my lifetime. It's been much more tied to being with family, celebrations, love and food (yes food, and lots of time beer too). Being a big believer in all those things -- I could make sense of formalizing that for my kids, bringing them into a faith that in my mind, is more about formally welcoming them into our families.

Father Mike at St. Joan of Arc in Nashota, Wi. gave us the most joyous, happy, spiritual and fun (yes, fun! at a catholic mass no less!) experience that I think I've ever had in church. Lu had a full immersion baptism, and at certain parts of the mass I was sure we'd somehow gotten mixed up and ended up in a Southern Baptist church with all the singing, arms held up toward the heavens, clapping and swaying. Lu's baptism was really about him, celebrating all he is and all he will become, with others on many levels of life, loving him, supporting and looking out for him. I couldn't have asked for a more special day for my son.


Lu takes the plunge.


Everyone celebrates Lu!


Father Mike and the kids.


Joe and Jodi Chaput (Lu's godparents), Father Mike, Lu, Pete, Mel and Clara


Aunt Mary Ellen, Grandma Carol (Pete's Mom), Jane and Monica (2 of Pete's 12 siblings) Pete


Congratulations Lu!

CLARA AND LU'S RECIPE FOR FUN

• Pool drainage water (compliments of our neighbor Bob)
• a shallow spot in our yard
• 2 parents who are busy gabbing with Bob (and reassuring him that the growing mud hole in your yard is no big deal)
• 2 kids who LOVE water
• a warm bath and a hot meal

First, wait until both parents are deep in conversation and carefully tip toe into the mud hole till your shoes are completely covered. Next, wet pant legs. When parent looks up and sees you, work those dimples and look at neighbor. Once neighbor starts grinning, seize the moment with a belly flop into the heart of the mud hole (this works best if the belly flopper is a 2 yr. old). With neighbor doubled over laughing, you have reached the point of parental amnesty. Whoop it up till bath and dinner time. Don't forget to thank Bob.

FAREWELL TO SUMMER

As much as we all hate to admit it, the Minnesota winters are going to come along to freeze our tushies off in a few short months. In honor of the inevitable change of weather and Clara's new found ability to swim (I was so proud I could barely keep from calling to local papers to announce this amazing development) we made picnic plans at Snail Lake with Clara's buddies Ford and Veronica. Although this event happened a few weeks ago, my Mom duties have prevented me from a few spare moments to unload the digital camera. Which leads to me a sad realization, each and every day I have a personal 5 minute task of some sort planned ... either I am a poor manager of time, or the two bosses I work for require much of my attention, because at the end of the week I have accumulated about 33.5 hours of personal 5 minute tasks that never got done.

At least I know my kids had plenty of time for fun, as evidenced in these pictures. Good-bye summer, see you next year.

p.s should you wish to congratulate me on Clara learning to swim (underwater even!!!! can you believe it?!), don't hesitate to drop me a post with your astonished congratulations.

UH OH.

As Lu climbed up onto the back of the couch for the 60 zillionth time, disturbing Clara while she watched Arthur, I overheard this direct quote: "LU! Quit dinking around!!!!" hmmmm. Wonder where she heard that from ... maybe Pete knows.

SHOULDN'T THERE BE A POOP WAIVER?

I've come to believe that day cares and preschools need to include a poop waiver in the contracts we sign agreeing to pay late fees for late pick ups. There are certain natural disasters that prevent a parent from being on time to gather one of their charges. Like a blizzard, or a thunderstorm that floods the access roads to the schools. Or, the messiest, stinkin'est, poop oozing out the top of the diaper, all over the pants and onto the bed and now my child is getting his hands into it and rubbing it into his hair kind of natural disaster. That would certainly prevent a Mom from getting to school on time, I would guess she might even be a half hour late cleaning up that kind of mess. Wouldn't it be nice to just walk up to the teacher and say "no need to bill me the extra $20 late fee hon, I'd like to use the poop waiver please". Not that this happened to me today. I'm just saying.

"BUT I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE MOM! ... I WANT TO LIVE AT THE STATE FAIR!"

Spoken by a girl after my own heart. For a full year we wait for the biggest, best, most fattening, event in all of Minnesota, our State Fair. If you've ever had the good fortune to go, you know what I'm talking about. I can do one better than Clara, if I could marry the State Fair, I would.

I was a 4-H kid you see, with cowboy boots, a big ole' western saddle and a horse to ride around a little arena, competing with other country geek kids for blue ribbons (and I did win a few I'm pleased to report). Having swapped my bib overalls for, well, bib overalls -- only now I wear them with a City Girl sashay -- going to the fair kinda feels like going home for me. Not everybody here likes the Fair (gasp!!!!! Treson!!!! I say to no one in particular, like Steve Laliberte for instance)

Seems my kids have developed a taste for the old fashioned and oh so wonderfully kitchy exhibits, hundreds of varieties of food on a stick, barn animals (including my personal fav -- the State's biggest pig) milking cows and of course, the Butter Heads (sculptures of "Princess Kay of the Milky Way" and her Court, carved out of butter!) Truly remarkable fine art. That you can eat.

I can not wait for next year. Neither can Clara.


So this is where milk comes from


Mmmmmm. Butterheads.


Lulu hauls his crops to market


My favorite 4-H exhibit, Paul Bunyan, as a baby. I think.


Looking for a wearbale crop art bikini?


The biggest pig


Littler pigs


Riding in a bee, whee

THE FINE ART OF BEING A GOOD MOM

Who needs kids around to act like one?


The wonderfully talented and fabulous Chellie Brown has one of the best laughs I know, you may have heard it, it's quite loud : )


Captain Ann Trench and the Booze Cruisers


hmmm, Chellie and Ann seem to differ in opinions about the weather


Ok, so I didn't completely get over my guilt...at the very first stop we made, I gave into the handmade lollipops strategically placed at the check out to entice childless vacationing Moms


So many books, experts and social workers coach adoptive parents on attachment, stress the wisdom of parenting from the start of placement rather than the age of the child, (in other words, treat them as newborns) and live by the mantra "high structure, high nurture". All this is great advice, and very valuable. But -- it's kinda like figuring out a Rubik's cube, one move in any direction creates a new challenge, another imbalance in the puzzle. Plus, being so attentive and focused on parenting your orphaned, love deprived children (this description is not so much about the true identity of my kids as it is what my guilty brain says to me every time I don't cater to their every need) can leave you deflated, cranky and with a personal energy crisis of you own.

Last weekend I departed with a car full of my favorite 'Momrades" for my first ever, personal, non job related trip without my family. I left them standing on the front porch, my husband looking forlorn and a bit worried, both kids crying their eyes out. I felt so much guilt that it was a good 25 miles down the road before my tears started to dry up and I could refocus my thoughts on the gigantic wine supply stashed in the trunk. My very good friend, sounding board and fellow Mom, Ann, supplied us with a super-deluxe lake home complete with water skiing and booze cruise capabilities. In the moments I had between cocktails and laugh out loud conversations, I realized it was in no ones best interest for me to be a Mom 100% of the time. I also realized that by only listening to the experts about parenting adopted kids, I wasn't listening to my own instincts. My kids need a patient, calm, happy Mom to become well balanced and happy people. Getting Lu to sleep in his own room, in his bed without one of us may fly in the face of many experts but it will give Pete and I some much needed time in the evening to push around the other little colored blocks in our crazy Rubik's cube life.

My advice to newly adopted parents? Yes, read the books, yes listen to your very wise and educated social worker, yes allow your heart to feel all the losses your child has likely experienced. And then listen to yourself, listen the common sense and instincts that will keep you sane and your family happy. I am pleased to report that I arrived home to a clean house, smiling, well-fed children and a Dad who now has a bit more confidence in his care taking abilities. A good lesson was learned by all.

EVERYBODY POLKA!

In an attempt to wear Lu and Clara out before bedtime the other night, we loaded them up to go see "The Fridley City Polka Band" for a free concert at Como Park Amphitheatre. Oh how I wished you all had been in the audience. Let me see if I can give you a good mental picture...first of all, as you'd expect being in Minnah-so-tah, we were surrounded by Scandinavians, Poles and Germans, mostly of a generation that actually can polka dance. Our two kids were easy to spot in the crowd, not only because they were the only Chinese-American children there, but mostly because they are dancin' fools. Lu is still young enough and limited in his body movements that he exhibited a respectable enough dance form. Clara though, oh lordy, clear the aisles and give this child some room! Imagine if you will, a mixture of modern free form ballet, combined with skipping (she just learned how) and lots of arms out wide, head tilted toward the sky twirling. And lots of giggling. Oh, and running. Um, into people.

Fearful of the mounting competition for attention my children were waging against the Polka band, they eventually invited Clara and Lu up on stage for introductions and better audience viewing of their sizable talents. To hell with worrying about them becoming show-offs, Pete and I were beaming prouder than Michael Phelps' parents have been this week. Needless to say, after an hour and a half of Polka craziness, our kids were wiped out. They fell asleep as soon as their little heads hit the pillow. Mission accomplished. I regret to inform you that I did not have my camera or you'd be forced to see for yourself the gigantic amounts of cuteness my children can unleash into the world. I did however, manage to find a photo of the Fridley City Polka Band, who are pretty darn cute themselves.

MALARNEY FAMILY REUNION

A portion of the Malarney's


My niece, Aubrey (LOVE those curls!)


Jenny even provided housing for left-over guests : )


My Aunt Betty and Uncle Ed, who are especially good to Clara and Lu


Lu, Sarah Malarney, Clara and Abby Malarney (these kids had a ball together!)


Lu finds out his quiet little family of four is only the tip of the iceberg. Now that he's met almost everyone on his Mom's side, we'll have to tackle the huge family of Chaputs.

LU MEETS HALF OF HIS BIG FAMILY

The cousins on Grandma's front porch


Lu and Aubrey have birthdays just a few days apart.


Nate, Lu, Clara, Jay and Max survey the farm


Pop Pop gives Lu his first wagon ride


Now there's a triple dose of trouble if I ever saw one!


Nate, Lu and Clara share some laughs


Pete and I both come from especially large families. Pete has 12 brothers and sisters and although I only have 3 siblings, my Mom has 10 brothers (she's the only girl) and my Dad has 8 brothers and sisters. Our kids have 18 first cousins (mine total over 45) and if I counted right, on my Mom's side alone, they have 53 second cousins (with 2 on the way).

The better part of my childhood was spent on my Grandparents farm where my Mom grew up. There was always an abundance of food, chaos and of course, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. The Malarneys celebrate holidays and reunions better than any family I know (besides the Chaput's, who can throw a pretty crazy party themselves!) and Clara, Lu and I hopped a plane to hang out with my parents for a week and go to my cousin Jenny's lakefront home for this summers family gathering. Pete, heartbroken at missing out on any Malarney gathering, had to stay in MN and work.

Having spent his first two years in a pretty big family of his own, Lu warmed up to his cousins pretty fast and couldn't get enough rough-housing and playing with my nephews. At the family reunion, both he and Clara had a great time swimming, running wild and playing with a school-district sized population of kids. Although usually fairly strict about sweets, at these events I let them eat whatever and of course, easy access to a slushie machine, cakes, trays of cookies and an occasional half eaten dessert left by an unsuspecting relative (eh, whatcha gonna do?) made the day that much more memorable to Clara and Lu.

We're grateful and fortunate for both of us to have families so big, boisterous and fun!