REALITY

Lest anyone think the title of Mom guarantees days filled with sweetness cascading out the door, down the driveway and into the world, please read on.

3:00 a.m.: Awake to oldest child crying out for a change of pj's and bedding. Need I say more.

3:10 a.m.: Youngest child wakes up and so begins a battle between the two of "MY Mommy!", "NO! MYYYYY MOMMMYYYY!", "MOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!!!! I NEED YOU!!!!!!!", "NO!!!!! MOOOMMMMMMMYYYYY I NEED YOU!!!!!!!!"

4:30 a.m.: Youngest child finally falls back to sleep.

5:30 a.m. Oldest child finishes pre-dawn snack and FINALLY goes back to bed. With her parents.

9:30 a.m. Sleep deprived Mom wakes to the noise of PBS kids and realizes her kids have been up for at least an hour while she remained comatose in bed. Considers calling social services on herself. Makes coffee instead.

9:45 a.m. First poo of the day

10:00 a.m. Clean up the yogurt youngest child has finger painted on table and chair. Get kids dressed, make beds, remake bed that youngest child has unmade. Put load of pj's and bedding in the wash. Microwave untouched cup of coffee.

11:00 a.m. Administer first time out.

11:10 a.m. Administer second time out.

11:15 a.m.: Bundle kids up and send them outside to play. Microwave still untouched cup of coffee. Think about changing out of pj's and into real clothes.

11:30 a.m. Yell out the door at youngest child to stop throwing sand. Help oldest child get sand out of eyes. Wonder how long it takes bare feet to frost bite.

12:00 noon: Make lunch, unbundle kids, clean up piles of sand that come out of their clothes, blow noses, kiss cold cheeks, change diaper, wipe bottom for second poo of the day. Take a drink of cold coffee.

12:30 p.m. Look for food youngest child has thrown good lord knows where. Clean applesauce off the table and chair, wipe faces and hands, stop youngest child from stealing a drink of oldest child's milk. Oldest child cries anyway.

1:30 p.m. Decide it's too late to take a shower, think about changing out of pj's. Administer 3rd time out. Help youngest child get band aids unstuck from hair. Comfort youngest child since getting band aids out of hair is painful. Read Curious George books. Get a snack for kids

2:30 p.m. From downstairs laundry room hear screaming, fighting and crying. Think about escaping through the basement window and heading straight to the bar. Administer 4th time out.

3:00 p.m. Go against 2 of my own parenting rules and bribe oldest child with candy to find and put together the 7 puzzles youngest child has taken apart and strewn to kingdom come (rule number 1 -- no bribing, rule number 2, don't use sweets as a reward.) Briefly wonder if husband will notice I'm still in pj's when he comes home.

3:30 p.m. Refold laundry youngest child has unfolded. Get another snack for kids. Answer phone. Refold laundry youngest child has unfolded, again. Smile and hug oldest child for offering to put towels away. Refold towels after oldest child drops them down the stairs. Get youngest child out of cereal box. Clean up cereal that's now all over the floor. Think about what to make for dinner. Try and remember how many days its been since I've taken a shower, start to worry about personal hygiene and the correlation of self esteem in children who's parents are slobs.

4:00 p.m. Dust living room, family room and entryway for Thanksgiving cleaning prep. Answer phone. Swipe pledge out of youngest child's hands before he can spray it on older child. Admonish myself for being so careless with cleaning supplies. Dance to Rolling Stones with kids, hope neighbors can't see me in my pj's through the windows. Turn on PBS kids and break 2 more parenting rules, no more than 2 hours of TV a day, and no watching that sarcastic, smart ass "Word Girl". Make pizza for dinner, give kids carrots as snack. Change diaper. Break up fight over who gets to turn the TV off. Break up fight over who gets to choose the book we're going to read. Break up fight over who's going to sit in my lap. Break up fight over who tore the page in the book.

5:30 p.m. Pete comes home, doesn't notice I'm still in my pj's (good sign or bad sign? you be the judge) Give in to youngest child crying and let him sit on my lap during dinner (broken rule number 5)

6:30 p.m. Get youngest child ready for bed, stay calm while he splashes water EVERYWHERE and refuses to let me brush his teeth. Rock youngest child to sleep. Wonder if I should change into fresh pj's before bed or just stay in the ones I have on.

7:30 p.m. Get bedtime snack for oldest child. Tuck her in. Say good-bye to Pete who's going out to watch the Packers game.

8:00 p.m. Wonder if it's too early to go to bed. Hope that both kids sleep through the night.